Jeremy K. Backwater

June 9, 2006

2006-06-09T22:41:00.000-05:00

Hello my friends. It is good to be back in the blogging seat again.

What am I talking about? There is no blogging seat. Get it together, Jeremy.

Well, what's going on around here? Well, I work. That's something, right?

While at work, I say my grade school principal and 3^rd grade teacher. It was nice catching up, but I must admit that I had a fear of not speaking proper english around them. I think I failed. Darn.

My back has been doing well. It has been getting tired a heck of a lot easier, but I am still going easy on it. My guns (arms) have been compensating for my spine. Guns. Heh.

I'm gaining weight. About 6 months ago, I was down to my lowest weight in years: 218. I was weighed at the hospital last Tuesday. I'm up to 228. 10 lbs. in 6 months! Oh the humanity!

Well, I'll get back to coherent writing next time. At least, more coherent than this stuff you just read. I took a couple minutes of your life with this. Am I satisfied? Not really.

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Observed by Jeremy in a trash compactor room:

WE ARE CONDUCTING A TEST TO HELP CONTROL ODOR.

(Handwritten on the side) Test Failed.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Regards,

I Got An Owie

2006-05-21T00:44:00.000-05:00

At work on Friday, we were moving a really heavy table. It was easily over 200 lbs. The table began to slip, so I tried to right it, and in the process, I seem to have severely strained a muscle in my lower right back. It hurts like the dickens right now, and I can't really take the muscle relaxers prescribed to me because of how it makes me feel.

It sorta bums me out because it was a needless injury. I didn't have to help those guys, I just saw that they were having a cumbersome time and needed help. They were in shape themselves, and that thing was still very heavy. I guess I'm just too nice. I've been told that before.

But still, if I had it to do again, I would. Like I said, maybe I'm just too nice.

2006-05-18T22:41:00.001-05:00

Hello my dear friends! It has been a long time since my last post! Well I am doing great, and I miss everyone out there in cyberworld...whatever you want to call it.

I've been around, it's just that most of the people I talk to lately I see in person, so I guess you might say I've been neglecting those who read about/chat/talk to me online.

Most of my time online is spent reading email.

Well, what has happened since my last post? Well, I will be attending RSU this fall. I've already decided on a Business Administration major. That's right, I could be your boss one day... Don't worry, I think I'd be a good one.

I've been trying to brush up on some of the basics in the meantime. Mathematics would have to be my weak spot. It's just that lately with work and all, I don't have a lot of time. Krista and I are doing great, most of my free time is spent with her...time well spent. :-)

My co-worker from Tahlequah is going to teach me the basics of golf. That is, when I finally get down that way.

Oh, I finally got around to making a 2006 design t-shirt to advertise my website/make you look cool. The shirt is pretty cool, I have to admit, and it's a eye-catching shade of yellow. If you'd like a peek, click here. I hope to have a picture of me wearing it on my website pretty soon. If you are so inclined to buy it, click here. I've not marked it up, so you are only paying production costs. I'm not making a penny off of it.

TTYL, God Bless.

Ok, it's been awhile

2006-01-29T17:51:00.000-06:00

I've not been blogging for a bit, and by my records I can see that some people have missed that...that's right, people acutally read this thing! ^_^

Anyhoo, quite a bit has happened since my last post, not a lot I can remember, but needless to say, some good, some bad, all a learning experience. Krista is currently in Tulsa, and will be until Monday or Tuesday. It's certainly different being alone in the evenings now. I used to love it, but with Krista not here, well...

She got to meet who I consider to be my spiritual mother in the faith, Cathy last week. She was in the area preaching and we made a day of it.

I've already picked out Krista's Valentines day gift. It is being specially made so I'm hoping that it will be here in time. I ordered it about a week and a half ago, but the item could take up to a month. Let's hope not.

Things have been so-so at work. I'm doing alright, but I'm feeling for my co-workers because morale is low right now. At any rate, I'd love to take a vacation.

Jeremy K. Backwater

2006-01-10T21:50:00.000-06:00

I've been reading the blog of a tech personality that I've respected for some time. I've noticed that some people faithfully enter information on a daily basis, making me wonder when they have the time? Perhaps they hire people to write for them as them?

I don't know. All I know is with my job and my life, I don't have a lot of time to devote to writing in blogs. Some have several blogs, all nicely updated with crap that I could care less about, but they do it to impress me and you.

I've still been barking. I've not had the best week. Emotionally I've had my ups and downs. I just give thanks for those around me who've been able to tolerate me, in spite of my occasional urge to snap. I've had a lot on my mind, and when I get that stressed, I tend to lash out in inopportune moments.

Worst part about that is I used to pride myself on being able to handle stress. One of the discoveries of getting older, I suppose.

Later.

2006-01-05T20:14:00.000-06:00

It's been quite a time for me. The Christmas/New Year's fiasco is over for me, and now things should be slowing dowm. On NYE, we had to work a 12-hour shift, whether we wanted to or not. I did, and barely made it. Unbeknownst to me, I was coming down with something.

On the 3rd, I went to work and noticed I was getting winded and tired easily. I thought it was sinus problems because of all the junk in the air from the weather and fires. I went to the doctor on the 4th, and he told me that I was on the verge of getting pneumonia. Since I got in so early, I think we caught it while we could still do something about it fairly easily.

Still, I ache, I run fevers, and bark like a dog. But I am getting better.

Merry Christmas!

2005-12-26T00:30:00.000-06:00

I certainly hope that this day finds everyone well. I am the kind of person who believes that the gathering of friends and family supercede the giving of gifts.

Krista and I had two days of Christmas together, one with her family, and one with mine. We were both pretty nervous I suppose, since neither of us have been exposed to so many of the other's family at once. I think in the end, we both enjoyed it all.

We are so tired, though. I had my day off, go back Tuesday, she hasn't yet, so my heart goes out to her. I know how busy this week has been, and how exhausted I feel, so it has to be rough on her.

The best wishes to all who read this, and let us remember, Jesus is the reason for the season, so Merry Christmas.

Friday

2005-12-16T22:17:00.000-06:00

It's Friday.

The Thursday of my workweek.

It's been a long week, now don't get me wrong, it hasn't been the worst week, just a long one. I'm about to go to bed, and 5 a.m. is going to come too darn quick.

I'd like to go to bed now, I really would. I think I will. Yes, I will.

I'm tired.

Can you tell?

I don't know if you can or not. I'm just rambling now, all in decent English and punctuation. Perfectionist trait, I guess. I can't even type in all caps or with misspellings. I'd catch them, and correct them.

Probably some grammar errors. Sentence fragments no doubt. Of course there are, I just did some. What was I thinking?

Later taters.

Jeremy K. Backwater

2005-12-15T21:58:00.000-06:00

Went to the CNE Christmas party last night, we had an alright time, the first time in awhile we just got to kick back and have a more adult-type night out. I had a couple of drinks, a rarity.

Back to work tomorrow. I certainly hope that the remaining two days of my workweek go quicker than the last two. I barely made it today. I could almost sigh, knowing that since we have the hotel, it is unlikely that we will ever close again.

Like I've always said, my idea of the holidays aren't spent in a casino, but hey, that's just me.

Oh...

2005-12-12T22:22:00.000-06:00

I forgot to mention that mine and Krista's 6 month anniversary was on the 2nd. She'll finally be wearing the diamond ring I bought her tomorrow night. Heh heh heh...

Scripts

2005-12-12T22:20:00.000-06:00

Not movie scripts. I'm not near as proficient in web design and programming as I'd like to be. I'm a little happy that I successfully installed a script for my website. I had the hardest time getting it to work, all because I didn't have my absolute system path handy. Glad I quit the trial-and-error option, that was driving me crazy.

I'm tired now, gotta go to work tomorrow, our company party is that night. Guess I'd better get to bed.

Night folks. :-)

Brrr...again!

2005-12-08T20:08:00.000-06:00

It is just too darn cold. My mother, Krista and I didn't even bother going to work today because here in the backwoods of Locust Grove, the roads were too slick due to lack of traffic. I tried the roads today, and while there are a few that are slippery, a majority of them are alright, and some are dry.

I'm having some troubles with my neck lately. It feels like I need to pop it, but it's also too stiff and painful to do that. Well I guess it's time to go to bed here in a bit, so...

I hate page transitions!

2005-12-01T22:32:00.000-06:00

I actually used them on my first website, and maybe that's where I learned to hate them. If you are interested, and you don't know how to disable them, please check this out.

Brr..

2005-12-01T22:13:00.000-06:00

It'a cold here in Oklahoma! I'm about to go to bed, but I thought I'd write a little entry before I tuck myself into the warm blanket. My bare feet are cold, and I'm actually wearing shorts (I can't sleep in anything longer, even sleepwear).

Today went ok, I think it is my last day under my current job title. My new one starts tomorrow, or at least it should. I think I'll be making a little over $2 more per hour. I've been told that I'm going to be making only a little below my supervisor. New tax bracket, Mr. Sam is sure going to like me now.

Tonight went ok, me and Krista spent the evening watching movies. I guess I was pretty tired, I fell asleep on her shoulder.

Guess that's all for now. Take care, folks.

Jeremy

Monday

2005-11-28T12:15:00.000-06:00

I'VE BEEN DEALING with a recurring problem, sinus drainage. The junk drips down my throat and gives me a constant cough, which medicine just doesn't seem to help. I wish there was some way to just get over this, but my doctor has told me that surgery may be the last resort option.

In other news, here in Oklahoma there have been some intense winds lately. With all the dry conditions, fires have been breaking out, especially last night. It was a really eerie feeling to have all the fires around us, seeing all the fire trucks rushing around, and hearing them late into the night. The news said that the gusts were going up to 25 mph, but I really think they were much higher than that.

I still gotta get my Christmas shopping started. It's not that I am procrastinating, it's just that the $ can become an issue. I have it right now, but there are some other things we will be doing this month, as well as some large bills that will be due. The new wages I will be earning will certainly come in handy.

I admire those people who can shop within a decent range. I suppose I have yet to master the art of shopping. A sobering thought, because I thought I had a handle on my spending.

Later.

Heh heh heh.......

2005-11-22T18:48:00.000-06:00

I got promoted today........................... ^_^

Back to work

2005-11-17T21:38:00.000-06:00

Me and Krista have completed our vacation, we pretty much had the same days off. I only wished that we had more alone time with each other.

We're back to our normal routne at work. I guess I missed some parts of it (shh...don't tell anyone!). People missed me, and I missed seeing them. Some didn't even know I was gone. o_O

Well, back to the ol' ratrace I guess.

Jeremy K. Backwater

2005-11-16T11:05:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow I go back to work after a 6 day vacation. I feel like I didn't get too much of one. Sure, I got away from work, but there were a whole lot of other things I had hoped to do, and in reality, I probably got to do none of them. Kind of a bummer.

I'm just sitting here at home, don't know what to do. Can get out, but don't really want to.

Well, catch ya later.

Turn your radio...off

2005-11-15T17:45:00.000-06:00

I DIFFER from the rest of my family in the respect that I like the quiet. For instance, something just happened that prompted me to write this entry. Another memeber of my family just walked through the door, and what's the first thing they do? They turn on the TV.

Not only did they do that, they turned it to the news. What do we hear on the news? The same old stuff, bad news. I used to watch more than I do now, but if I may say so, the stuff they put on there and call news is utter bulls--t. It seems their main goal is to manipulate you into seeing politics in their eyes.

Silence truly can be golden.

Zzzzzzz.........

2005-11-13T00:59:00.000-06:00

I'm a little too tired to make a long post. All I can say is that I am on vacation, which ends Wednesday, and I go back Thursday. It's been a little hectic thus far, but it is a lot better than the dead-end routine that work consists of.

Hope the readers out there are doing well.

See you around sometime, maybe? I dunno, I am so sleepy now. Think I'll go to my comfy bed.

Later, folks.

BOO! Did I scare you?

2005-10-31T18:45:00.000-06:00

I am tired, it's Halloween, and I have no desire to be anywhere but in bed. Too much stuff to get finished.

Speaking of which, I gotta go1

Really got no days off. Drat.

The Pain!

2005-10-28T22:51:00.000-05:00

My feet hurt, my head hurts...oh the pain I'm in! Someone seen my Naproxin? Oh here it is! :-)

Friday..That means tomorrow is the Friday of my workweek! LAOS DEO!

Le Sigh...

2005-10-28T13:21:00.001-05:00

Trying really hard to keep a smile, to keep the faith, but things are a little difficult right now. I don't know how to say it except that I get this way sometimes, a little depressed. I had hoped that it would have subsided last night, but the problem still exists.

I really want to be alone right now, but at the same time I don't think I can stand it. The special person of my life, Krista, has helped me through the hard times but there are many more bumps in the road.

God help us all.

2005-10-24T12:57:00.000-05:00

I'm a little disappointed and confused this day, I can't go into details, but it has constantly weighed on my mind.

sigh.............

10:30 pm

2005-10-23T22:36:00.000-05:00

Normally I am asleep. I'm here on my days off and enjoying the night. I'd be off to sleep in a bit, but my friend Mike is coming over tongiht. I might catch a catnap in the meantime.

My website is doing well right now, as I have added some content in the form of pictures. At least for my associates. I've placed all the newest pictures of me and Krista in a private gallery. These pictures were taken by her friend about 2-3 weeks ago, when I was sick. For me to look as good as I did in those photos during that time was nothing short of astonishing.

If I gave you access, you can see the pictures at www.jbackwater.com/Gallery . If not, tough titty. :-p

Radio

2005-10-22T23:39:00.001-05:00

SONIC drive in has a radio commercial out that boasts its great assortment of drinks, and then it welcomes its newest addition. Something along the lines of "now you can enjoy the rich, delicious taste of Diet Dr. Pepper".

In my opinion, Diet Dr. Pepper is probably the best among the diet sodas. But I've never thought of it as "rich and delicious". Regular Dr. Pepper is actually my poison of choice, but I've never once had the word "delicious" cross my mind when I drink it.

Maybe it arouses curiousity. Maybe it has something to do with subliminal messaging. I'm not on a diet, in fact I'm losing weight, but there is indeed a Diet Dr. Pepper to the right of me, nearly empty.

Weird...

Radio

2005-10-22T23:39:00.000-05:00

2005-10-20T13:08:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling a bit better in some ways, worse in others, but all in all, I'm well. I'm here at work on break, and the work out on the floor is slow, even though there are people here.

Regarding a certain situation, I've learned that there is too much red tape at a place like this. This is not right; people are not given the opportunity that they deserve because of it.

Well, I've got things to do tonight, so I will have to manage my time.

Umm,,,

2005-10-15T18:46:00.000-05:00

Lord, forget the Mercedes Benz. Just take me now.

On Break

2005-10-14T09:22:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting here at work and I'm actually feeling a bit depressed. This could be for a number of reasons. First, business is slow and I guess a part of me misses the large crowds of people...sort of. :)

There is some talk among some of my closer association that I am, I will admit, troubled with. I can't/won't go into details, but I guess it could be my fault for trying to read between the lines. Sometimes people can just mean what they say, but why am I having such a hard time with it?

I think I will need some time soon to be alone with my thoughts. I think that a part of me knows all to well how it feels to have the world slip between my fingers. I'm wondering if things have been too good, that the time for a backlash is at hand.

I hope not, but like a dog looks at the broom or the child looks at the belt, I look at prosperity with a bit of fear in my heart.

Cough Cough

2005-10-03T00:31:00.000-05:00

That's what you might hear when you are around me. I'm still coughing, but the cough is a more productive one, as opposed to the dry cough I had earlier (I say dry but I was congested).

I hate to make posts about my coughing but there isn't a lot to talk about right now. I've got to conduct some business tomorrow, and with the mood I am in regarding that situation, I don't expect to be too happy with it. Let's hope for their sake that they will be civilized about it. If they bite, I will bite back.

Aside from all of that, I've just been so tired. They are offering B-12 shots where I work and I am thinking about it, though I am hoping it's not just a head thing.

So tired....bedtime.

Back to Work

2005-09-30T09:08:00.000-05:00

Well I returned to work today, and thus far things seem to be going ok. I figured I'd be having a harder time than I am, but I guess when you are so busy you can forget about some problems. It really doesn't hit me until I do sit down, so breaktime is a little difficult for me.

I can't even keep my hands from trembling.

I think it has subsided enough to be able to work, but I am still not at 100%. This wasn't supposed to happen, at least according to the doctor, so I may be making a return trip Monday. With gas as high as it is right now, I may as well just go local and pay the immense bills.

2005-09-27T03:38:00.000-05:00

It's been a couple of weeks since my last post and now I see that I am having the same situation that my g/f had. As far as I know I have the same symptoms, and I am still awake here at 3:30 in the am because I slept all day 'yesterday'.

The doctor said it's an upper respitory infection, among other things. I say that because I am not a doctor myself, and I do not understand the terminology that they so easily whip out. His recommendation is rest...antibiotics, and pain pills.

Pretty sweet. Doctors orders are that I only work 2 days this week. I've got all that sick time I've never used...

Did I ever mention...

2005-09-05T22:45:00.000-05:00

...that I hate the word "woot"? It doesn't matter how you write it, be it woot or w00t. The stupid part is, most people don't know what it means. The general definition of the word, if you can call it that, is wrong.

"Morons! Pathetic morons in my employ stealing my precious money!"

Labor Day

2005-09-05T22:29:00.000-05:00

Labor day was ok, but I didn't really celebrate it per se.

My g/f has been under the weather, so I took her to the doctor. She's the world to me, so if you think about it, keep her in your prayers. She has an upper respitory infection, and while that's not a terribly bad situation, if you are sick, you would want relief, right?

She's my baby and I love her so.

Grr...

2005-09-02T13:13:00.000-05:00

I'm at work and things have been going south since I arrived. I just knew that it was going to be one of those days. I am so aggravated with all that is happening right now I just want to...I don't know what to do, but I do want to release all this I am feeling.

Man, am I ready to go home!

Jeremy is Happy Tonight...

2005-08-31T21:47:00.000-05:00

He got to see his love for the first time in TWO days!

If you have/are ever in love like I am, then you would know what I mean!

Sniffle...

2005-08-29T00:29:00.000-05:00

Yes, I am aware that some people miss me online....It seems that all I do now is check email, then something comes up - heck, you'd think I had a life or something! O_O

2005-08-28T10:06:00.000-05:00

Today went decently well, I'm off work, get to rest and catch up on this week's tasks. The gas prices around here are giving me a shock, but I know that they can be a lot worse. I want to redo my website, since I really haven't had a lot of time to work with it. I did, however kill a little bit of time the other day and made a little advertisement for it - it gave me a little laugh when I did it...I had my camera handy for an episode of the Simpsons, then the wheels of my mind began to turn.

Take a look.

Dog Day Post

2005-08-25T21:49:00.000-05:00

There is not a lot to say right now, I'm short of funds, work is killing my body, but in spite of that all, I am happy. A devistating situation was avoided today, and I thank God above for it.

As for my body now, my back is breaking down, as well as my neck. I currently have some bites all over my legs, and they itch like heck.

Oh well. Gotta get to bed now, go to work tomorrow and make the big bucks. o_O

^_^

Happy

2005-07-07T00:20:00.000-05:00

I'm getting ready for bed, but I figure that I'd better post a bit before then. I'm very happy now, the reason is right here.

Jeremy...happy.......

Hello

2005-06-26T20:18:00.000-05:00

Κάνω μεγάλο. Επιθυμώ μόνο τις ημέρες μου από διαρκεσμένος περισσότερο. Είχα ένα όνειρο αυτό το πρωί που με έβλαψε τόσο πολύ εσωτερικό ότι ξύπνησα πραγματικά επάνω να κλαψω. Ήταν για έναν συγγενή που πέρασε μακριά, αλλά δεν ξέρω γιατί σκέφτομαι τον τόσο μεγάλο μέρος αμέσως. Ο Θεός Μάιος είναι με με, και επίσης με σας.

2005-06-22T06:37:00.000-05:00

I am at work right now, waiting to be executed...I mean, go to work. I took 2 vacation days and in addition to my 2 regular days off, that makes 4 altogether. I have a headache, and I only got 2 hours of sleep because I was nauseated about returning. I only hope I can make it today since I am dead tired and already prepared to come home.

I pity the man who would rub me the wrong way today.

Jeremy...Hello!

2005-06-19T13:29:00.000-05:00

If you watch Seinfeld, you might get the title of this entry, but if you don’t it’s unlikely that you will understand. So what do I talk about this time around? Well it’s been awhile since I made an entry, so let me catch up on some things:

I work, eat, sleep, work, eat, sleep...are you noticing a pattern here? Oh and all the time I’m burning out a little bit more as far as my body goes. I don’t remember ever being so tired for so long. I have my suspicions as to what is causing it, and the culprit would be my work clothes. They are just too hot, I’ve been sweating a flood, and downing the same amount in water.

Despite my tiredness, I am happy. I have met someone who is truly making me feel special. We’ve been friends from day one and have been seeing each other for a couple of weeks. Already I feel like I know her better than some of the people I’ve known for years, and our worlds revolve around each other. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, and I am enjoying every minute of it.

Laughter

2005-05-30T22:14:00.000-05:00

I guess I've just been in a dark mood for the last month. But sometimes, even in the midst of our suffering, it's the chuckles that keep us going. That is what a certain person says in a certain movie which I will not mention.

That being said, I recently came upon a parody article in one of my gaming magazines. I just had to post this.

http://www.jbackwater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=46#46

2005-05-30T17:28:00.000-05:00

It is pitiful to be selfish on a day like today. I sometimes think I am in the downward spiral of my life. I'm once again in a bad mood, no surprise there.

I'm angry, those who try and help me only make me madder. What is wrong with me?

Monday

2005-05-23T15:41:00.000-05:00

I just don’t understand why I am so aggravated all the time lately. Perhaps it is because it seems that everyone wants too much of me. A good thing for some, but it’s just too bad that I’m not one of them.

I’m really thinking about changing jobs soon. I’d like to, a whole lot, actually, for a number of reasons. First off, there are just too many higher-ups whom I do not, and can not, respect. Secondly, the distance. It is about 80 miles for a round trip. Thirdly, I am tired of constantly getting the run-around. If these people are not going to do something, then why don’t they just say no and save us all a lot of trouble instead of leading us on, wasting everyone’s time and getting our hopes up?

What can honestly make me happy, I mean truly happy right now? Honestly, I don’t know. I can’t find it in anything, and I do mean anything. Money? I’ve got it, and enough of it, but it just sits in my wallet and in the bank. Spirituality? I’d like to think so but there is just something lacking. I can’t get motivated to deepen my walk. I feel that I am right with God but that I could be a lot closer, and......(sigh of frustration) I just don’t have any contentment right now.

Sad to say, but I wish I was dead. Not that I’m suicidal, I’m not. I just am so sick of everything right now. I’m burned out. On everything.

Sigh...

2005-05-09T20:32:00.000-05:00

It's one of those days.

One of those days where the smallest molehill becomes a mountain. I admit that there are times that we make the molehill into a mountain ourselves, but there are also times when the damn things become mountains of their own accord, regardless of how you try and look at it. My case is the latter.

This is my latest entry in what seems like a long time. I can't look at my last post date because I'm working offline right now. Yes, I've come here to moan and complain, nothing more. If you don't like what I am saying, then you know what you can do. I just don't give a damn right now. I hope you understand where I'm coming from, I don't talk like this, I am P/O big time.

What am I P/O at? I don't know. Anything. Everything. The damned computer is running slow today, my space bar is sticking...small things like that. These 'molehills' as I referred to them are gathering together into a great army, determined to make my life a living hell.

Mission accomplished.

Yep, one of those days. The saddest part about that is that they are becoming all too common.

Like popups...

2005-04-13T22:59:00.000-05:00

How does SBC/Yahoo expect to garner sales when they just annoy people? Many other companies are guilty of that very thing. One of their latest commercials is the case in point. If it ran 300 times, it ran 299 times too many.

"It's late in the evening; she's wondering what clothes to wear.
She puts on her make-up and brushes her long blonde hair.
And then she asks me, "Do I look all right?"
And I say, "Yes, you look wonderful tonight."

I can say honestly that I HATE this song! I thank the Good Lord that I haven't heard it in the past, but curse SBC/Yahoo for constantly putting it before me, with the ultra-super-annoying "she's wondering what clothes to wear...she's wondering what clothes to wear...she's wondering what clothes to wear..." crap!

I've told others that I don't buy some products online out of spite, due to unwanted pop-ups or aggressive ad campaigns that invade my space. Add a check for Yahoo and Clapton as well.

I've been on vacation this week, and I'm feeling good. I got the rest I need, and the rest of the week will be short. So I'm feeling pretty content right now.

2005-02-06T20:18:00.000-06:00

Well, it’s the 3rd successive week that I’ve been sick on my days off. It hasn’t been as bad this time. I mean, it was pretty bad yesterday, in fact, worse than it has been, but amazingly has subsided quicker. I am still lightheaded and faint, but I can hold my food and liquids down now. I’m noticing that my heart is palpitating right now. Well I guess I should say “was”, since it has already stopped.

Man I hope that this week goes by fast. We should be getting our bonuses this week, or so I’ve heard. I only worked 2 days this last week. Sick, sick, sick. I’m tired of being sick.

2005-02-03T23:28:00.000-06:00

I was going to make a better post than this, but I've taken something to help me sleep tonight. Like it or not, well or sick, I've determined I'm going back to work tomorrow, so I'll be off to bed in a bit.

Last night was a night I'd like to forget, as far as misery goes. My back was killing me, I laid on the floor for the whole night. While that is the only way I can get sleep some nights, with the pain and stiffness that comes with it I wonder if it's worth it.

I've got a lot of stuff to think about doing in the short future. I really need to make a checklist. Oh, and the space key, I don't know what it's problem is. I cleaned it the best I could, and though it's better than it was, it could be better still. But I give it the benefit of the doubt. I mean it could just get stuck down, that would really suck.

Well, off to dreamland I suppose. Or maybe not. A science show I watched yesterday suggests that sleep aids may inhibit dreaming. Hmm....

Oh, btw, may contain spelling errors. If I make a post near bedtime I don't bother with them.

Late Night, Early Morning

2005-02-03T03:16:00.000-06:00

Well, it’s nearly 3 a.m. as I begin to write this entry, and no, I’m not up early, I’m up really, really late. My back has been killing me all night, and I’ve got a touch of nausea. Sickness has been running rampant in Oklahoma this past week especially; I’ve missed the last 2 days of work, and with this queasiness in my tummy and the knives in my spine, it will probably be 3, as much as I hate that. I take pride in my attendance. As much as I hate going to work (most of the time, actually), I manage to pull myself out of bed, and go if at all possible. Well, before my days off I began to bark like a dog, and during my days off I hacked out about 80% of my lungs (trust me, or take a look in my wastebasket if you don’t), then Tuesday, the day I was supposed to go back, like an orchestrated finale everything went south on me. Even this keyboard I’m using has turned on me. The space key won’t cooperate; I have to practically mash it down. I don’t know if some kind of debris is inside or if a part wore out. I’ll have to find out soon.

In the other room, one of Vonage’s many advertisements are playing. It’s funny, really. The weird, almost yodeling song is probably going to catch on. You might find yourself humming it to yourself sometime. I mean, something that seems so stupid actually can become tattooed in your memory. “By Mennen!” Need I say more? Other advertisements have tried similar approaches, but I think Vonage hit the nail with this one.

President Bush’s State of the Union address was tonight. Regardless of how it went, people are going to think what they will. He could be doing the best job of any president in history and some people would find something to moan about. One of the many reasons politics intrigues me but also one of the reasons I hate discussing them. My convictions are of the right, and the left considers me wicked for having moral standards. Go figure that one.

Impulse Spender

2005-02-01T22:29:00.000-06:00

That's what I am. I see something I want, I get it. I ask about the price later. I always said that when I had the money I would be smart and careful with it. It's not anything for me to spend a lot of money (won't dare say how much) on something I don't really need.

Is it too late to make that resolution?

My Job...

2005-01-28T20:07:00.000-06:00

Sometimes my job brings out the worst in me. I dream of one day being one of those people who say they now have their dream job, doing what they love. I can say with certainty that this is not that point in time for me. Some people where I work say that they love it. The benefits, the perks, they are all good, and by good I mean too good to just walk away from, which I was thinking of doing not too long ago.

I've not said I hated anyone for years. That changed in 2004-2005 with my employment at CNE. I regret saying this, even if it were only to myself. I've not been angry enough to mutter curse words to myslef. Again, that changed in 2004-2005. I've felt that I have failed at so much, but I also know if I leave CNE, I leave a lot there.

Lord, I am in this world to show Your mercy to others.
Other people will glorify You
by making visible the power of Your grace
by their fidelity and constancy to You.
For my part I will glorify You
by making known how good You are to sinners,
that Your mercy is boundless
and that no sinner no matter how great his offences
should have reason to despair of pardon.
If I have grievously offended You, My Redeemer,
let me not offend You even more
by thinking that You are not kind enough to pardon Me.

Amen.

Unintentionally Rude

2005-01-06T22:47:00.000-06:00

That sounds like me today. I've played back the events of today in my mind, and there are several occasions I would like to redo, unfortunately, that doesn't happen. I can try and rectify the situations later, but for now they are just something I have to live with.

It's part of my personality. Factor in that I was being rushed by our superiors. I feel a bit low about the whole situation. The party I am thinking about right now probably understands, knowing that I am quiet natured and all, but...she is very pretty and with such a person I would want to score as many points as possible.

"The conscientious personality who is very reserved and task oriented. This person takes the time to lay out a task and figure out the best and most practical way of completing that task long before many of us have thought through how to get started on it! They are cautious and compliant, calculating and curious."

Someone else's words, not mine. But they describe me well.

2005-01-03T22:08:00.000-06:00

I am not a god; I cannot perform miracles, I am just a man. It really pisses me off that some people know this but yet place the responsibility on me. I’ve not had such stress and anger overtake me for some time. As you may be able to gather, I am pretty much pissed off right now. The sad thing about it is that it has lasted for a couple of days. Add to that the daily stress I feel, I could just puke right about now.

I’m sick of it. I am sick of inconsistency from those who demand it of me. I’m sick of being a support of strength for others, when I’ve none of my own. If you see me in person, at this point in time, I’d suggest you take the safe route and go to the other side of the street. I’ve said it a couple of times already: I’m just pissed off right now.
I make this decree: Anyone who dares be a cynic to me right now perils his life.

Quite a contrast from my previous post, but true nonetheless.

I'm Back....water Jeremy K,

2004-11-05T02:27:00.000-06:00

And I'm back here blogging once again...I doubt anyone missed reading my entries. But no problem there, I guess it's better that way. Well, since my last post, which was some time ago, some things have happened at work and home. I'm still in the mourning process I suppose on the other issue, but I am more in a position to deal with it.

My former supervisor Robert is now on the day shift. It's bearable that I at least get to see him, but I'd rather be working for him instead of just at the same place. I got to see Jim, our old lead tonight, I was glad to see him. Our new lead got promoted today. He's now our supervisor.

Working tonight, I could not help but to think of my uncle. There were so many there who dressed like he did. A pain pricked my heart when I saw someone who could have passed for him appearance-wise, from the back anyway, and I realized that there was no way it could be him. He was a saint of a man, irreplaceable. That said, I rest assured that he is in the hands of God now.

Got my new chair the other night, and it's great. I love it, it is so soft compared to the cold, hard steel of my old one. Ha, it wasn't quite that bad, but bad enough for me to shell out the 45 bucks to get a new one. It just looks a lot cooler than the ond one. Anything would.

I got Fable and MAC2 since my last entry. They've been taking up most of my time, but I wish I could devote more time to them.

Enough words for now, I'm off to bed in a bit.

By the way, the title of this entry is inspired by the Simpsons. Click here to find it.

Reunions

2004-10-11T02:18:00.000-05:00

It is often said that people hate reunions. For whatever reason, I don't know, seeing that I haven't been to a family reunion in my life. There are some reunions I go through though, that I don't care to attend at all...at least I want to avoid the situation at all costs. Today has been a surreal day.

My uncle passed away today at 5pm. Though I consider myself equally close to all my relatives, it's hard to see him go. He lived the closest to us, and before I began work at my current job, I was able to talk to him often on the telephone.

I suppose that though I feel that the reality of the death has sunk in, I am still in the stage of shock, though I have done a fair amount of mourning today. Though not a blood relative, the pain to my heart is no easier to bear.

What lifts my spirits in the midst of all of this is that he made his life right before passing on. He had hoped to get out of the hospital soon and begin going to church and all, but that was not to be. I take comfort in the fact that he is alive in the presence of God, and that I will see him again. But as I have always said before, I believe that the mourning that I do is not as much for him as it is for me, becuase I will miss seeing him. That sounds selfish, but it is true, and I think that is always true in the case of the passing of a loved one. We mourn more for ourselves.

2004-09-20T03:32:00.000-05:00

Finally I have some consecutive days off and I am here at home, relaxing. I've got some stuff to do tomorrow (today) so I decided to loaf while I could.

I've come to the conclusion that, among other things, I need to buy some vitamin C drops. Despite all the fruit flavoring that they put in those and what-not, they just aren't that good. I have heard that some people take them all the time to prevent colds and sickness. My latest allergy attack has prompted me to do the same, as I've had the rare but somewhat painful raspy sneezing from all the excess drainage. You probably haven't heard of raspy sneezing, but I have it, right now as a matter of fact, and it doesn't feel very good.

I'll also have to have some antihistimine flowing in the blood before I have to go back to work.

Ah, the joys of autumn.

I love Opera!

2004-09-10T02:06:00.000-05:00

Not the music, mind you, the browser. Opera is now Jeremy Backwater's default browser. Yes, I finally made the move. IE was fine but Opera is giving me so much more, and it also handles my email, another plus.

I'm very happy!

I am not an Opera fanboy but I like it a lot better than I liked Mozilla. Especially for my circumstances, still limited to dial-up. I am sure that Mozilla is great when you have all the speed of broadband but if you don't have that option, Mozilla is slow. Opera boasts that it is the world's fastest browser, and I'm very inclined to believe that. It is very customizable.

Well, I am through with my Opera endorsement. I'm up late and have laundry to do. Another 10 hour day is before us tomorrow. The hardest thing about it all is that I feel as if I have to re-learn everything.

2004-09-07T20:46:00.000-05:00

May as well admit it, I am making some filler posts for the ones that I missed, seeing that this is my last taste of freedom for awhile. The upcoming week will be filled with 10 hour days and I don't know at this point how I am going to make it.

In other news, I made Opera my official web browser. I could have included a link, but I am being lazy. At this point in time, I feel that this is my right.

Tired...

2004-09-07T15:38:00.000-05:00

I haven't had a lot of time to do much posting, we'll be having 10 hour days this week. I am dreading tomorrow, the last couple of days have been torment, and tomorrow is going to be extremely busy. Management is demanding a lot of us, which is understandable, considering the investment the company has made, but I don't think I or my co-workers should be the whipping boys (and girls) for poor planning.

Everyone is feeling the pressure. I almost laid into someone yesterday, and it takes a lot to get me that riled up. But this person has always had a tendency to exasperate me. It's going to be his own fault if he rubs the right person the wrong way.

It's Nice to be Wanted

2004-08-30T03:30:00.000-05:00

I've been in more demand than probably anytime in my life. I don't know on what level, perhaps many, but it's just so nice. I've been listening to a lot of slower, more contemplatitive music in the car on the way to/from work and though it really doesn't depress me, I think it has brought some stuff to the surface that I need to deal with. Honestly, when a song can make you teary-eyed when your heart has not been broken, you have money in your pocket, and you have all reasons to be happy, there has to be something down there.

I suppose the being in demand has a part to do with it. People know that I am a compassionate listener. I hear thier problems, and they tell them freely, without fear of judgement. I offer soothing words in their time of trouble rather than sarcasm or a cold shoulder. Yes, I even offer those who may not like me as much the same treatment. Having said all that, I am in a bit of a quandry. I sympathize for people, and it is as if I take on thier problems myself. After all, I do worry about them, hoping for thier best.

I'm a bit down today, a lady quit, I knew it was her last day. I did let her know how much I would miss her, but I didn't get the final goodbye. I did get some closure, but not all.

I've been thinking of a song Elton John sings: Sad Songs Say So Much

"Guess there are times when we all need to share a little pain
And ironing out the rough spots
Is the hardest part when memories remain
And it’s times like these when we all need to hear the radio
`cause from the lips of some old singer
We can share the troubles we already know

Turn them on, turn them on
Turn on those sad songs
When all hope is gone
Why don’t you tune in and turn them on

They reach into your room
Just feel their gentle touch
When all hope is gone
Sad songs say so much

If someone else is suffering enough to write it down
When every single word makes sense
Then it’s easier to have those songs around
The kick inside is in the line that finally gets to you
And it feels so good to hurt so bad
And suffer just enough to sing the blues

Sad songs, they say
Sad songs, they say
Sad songs, they say
Sad songs, they say so much"

Forgot Password

2004-08-29T01:22:00.000-05:00

I am just a sentimental guy. I admit it. People like me are often packrats, but that's another story, another time. I was looking at my schedule today, comparing it with my first with CNE back in July. A lot has changed. When I think about the changes, people I won't be seeing (or seeing as much) anymore it just causes a little pain in my heart. That reminds me, I will have to go through the employee directory tomorrow. It will be a long shot, but hey.

Sometimes cutesy things can get me emotional. An extra cute puppy, a breathtaking photograph, it all works on me the same. I was looking at something the other day which looked so adorable that it actually brought a tear to my eye. Why am I so sentimental? I don't know, but it always reminds me that I am but a man, with all the limitations, desires, aspirations thereof. Truthfully I'd be more concerned if I couldn't muster feelings of softness and mercy.

I guess it is just a time of reflection for me. Things are going good, and I feel great. But as I sit back and think on things, occasionally I get emotional.

Another wave of...

2004-08-22T13:26:00.000-05:00

Oppression from our new GM. I learned last night that while the bar has been constantly raised in the last 4 years or so, the pay has not. This is beginning to get my superiors, so something may be said about it soon. Sure, our starting wages are higher than minimum wage, but with all the extra work that is piled upon is, it is beginning to get ridiculous, considering that people in other departments do less work for more money.

I allude to my other quote earlier, and now a new one, "What is the point in ruling the world if you have no subjects to rule over?" With the way people are beginning to talk, I wonder how many of them are going to be staying with us. That being said, if I had an alternative, I might be looking elsewhere. I hope that the dear GM understands and hears our sentiments.

2004-08-21T01:00:00.000-05:00

This has been a quick week. Today went ok. Boring, but the time went fast. It's actually Friday, but for my workweek it's Monday. Blah.

I'm tired. So why am I still here writing this? Hm?

Ends justify the means?

2004-08-16T14:44:00.000-05:00

Our corporation now has a new general manager and thus far, my feelings on this are mixed. I hear he is a nice guy, I've seen him but never met him, but the gripe among all the workers is that he is very thorough. My supposition is that he is trying to impress our CEO or whoever by claiming that he increased productivity in all departments by pointing out all the tiny 'flaws'. Yesterday many in my department were having to do things that isn't our responsibility. I don't mean to sound gripey in that respect, but we don't have the time to do all the extra that he wants.

What is the point of raising productivity by a few points if you lower morale by ten times as much?

The company is in dire need of employees right now. With things getting so oppressive around here, I think it will be difficult finding new employees, as well as holding current ones.

Friday the 13th

2004-08-14T01:25:00.000-05:00

Friday is a day I'd kinda like to forget. I won't go into details, but the day pretty much sucked and could not be over fast enough. I certainly hope that tomorrow goes better. I think I'll get up earlier so I can do something. I'm pretty bummed about Friday, almost depressed.

Staff has been changing at the workplace. Transfers will be and have occured this week, so there are some new faces, and sadly, some old faces are gone. I won't realize the full brunt of the tranfsers until a couple of days from now, since some may just be on their days off.

We have a new general manager. Word is that he's nice but has high expectations. The sense of 'fun' that I saw before all these changes began is quickly disappearing and as the bar is raised, the place is becoming more oppressing to work at, so to speak. I'll live with it, I suppose, but I wish that things didn't have to be so complicated.

2004-08-11T15:37:00.000-05:00

Now that I have more money to spend lately, I've been haunting eBay. I will admit that I can be thrifty but I do like to splurge. I've got $200+ to live on until next week but I'll be having a large upcoming payment to make so I suppose I'll save some of it.

People who see me dish out the money and call me a big spender. I don't think so, I just have more to spend because I still enjoy the liberties of single life.

One of my co-workers hasn't appeared this week except for our Monday. We have the same days off. I've really been concerned, I hope everything is alright with him. As I might have already said, I'd hate to see him go.

Today's my Saturday, so I am happy. I've got to get caught up on stuff here at home.

2004-08-08T02:29:00.000-05:00

I am so tired right now. I had hoped to attend church in the morning but I don't think that will be happening. I have to catch up on my sleep which I will be doing in a little while. Work went ok today I guess.

Coming home, I hit a roadblock. I'd wondered what it would be like, having to deal with the police. I'd asked myself if I would be nervous, but I guess working around the armed security at my job tempered me for it. After all, they are actual reservists, not just rent-a-cops. I was completely calm, which I didn't think about until afterwards. I even made small talk. But since I didn't get much sleep today, my mind hasn't been with me 100%.

Still Awake

2004-08-06T02:55:00.000-05:00

Well it's coming upon my usual weekday bedtime but for a day-off bedtime it is a bit late. I've got tons I want to do tomorrow before work; some of it is more important than other things, but hey, if I can't enjoy myself a little then what's the point?

At my new job, we get paid biweekly on Thursdays. So I got paid today, I've already dished out the cash for the car payment, and so I will be saving a bit for the insurance, but for now, I can splurge. I'll have to factor in for food and gasoline for the next couple of weeks, but still I think I can enjoy myself a bit. I want to start a checking account, but I'm planning to wait until things level out before I do that, which should be in a month or two.

I won't be able to attend the Cherokee National Holiday this year because of work, which is kind of a downer, but I haven't been in many years, so I can live with that. I very much would have liked to go, but it's not looking good in the future for that.

I'm beginning to see how the job's taking a toll on me. During church, I've had to learn to keep occupied with writing at times to stay awake. It's not boring at all, but lately when I become idle I get sleepy. It's easiest to doze off during a special song, as there is nothing to do but close your eyes and listen.

I suppose I am going to have to verify a possible error I made in a form I completed. I won't go into details with that, but it could have an effect in the future if not resolved.

Slowly I am getting the hang of the days in relation to my workweek. For example, I can more quickly say that it's Thursday (actually Friday), but it's my Sunday. Friday (today) I will go back to work (shudder), but with the friends I have there it is bearable. I may transfer as soon as I can, which some of them have the intention of doing also, but I certainly hope we are able to continue the relationships that we have achieved thus far. I'm very fond of these new friends, and I hope that the feeling is mutual.

Well, I think I will try to go to bed now.

Heat Can Bring Out the Worst in People

2004-08-04T14:52:00.000-05:00

Last night was a really tough ride. I am certainly surprised that I am here in one piece like this. We barely made it, but we did make it, and that is what counts. They told us that there was going to be a lot of people, but a more accurate description would be a sea of humanity. Yes, it was that packed. Had I had the disregard for other human life and comfort, I could very well have walked on this sea, in an ode to the Lord. I very much would have liked it because of the impoliteness of some of them. I mean, a guy's coming through, and he's got something heavy, and he's waiting for you to move... Don't you think you ought to do the decent thing and move the couple of inches? Apparently not.

I don't say that just for me. I say that on behalf ot the other workers that were shafted also.

So we made it through a night of torment. It's over, time to move on.

I subscribed to a couple of TechTV's newsletters last year, and since the merger between G4 and TechTV, I must admit that I don't read them much anymore, partly because of time. I opened one of the newsletters today and G4/TechTV's design is very different from the days of good old TechTV. In fact, I consider the current layout a big step down from what it used to be. The emails are mostly text, which isn't too bad, but it's just so plain. The website itself takes forever to load because of all the large images and animations they put on it, none of them useful.

The site has one of my most hated annoyances on it, there are probably worse sites out there, but this is the worst I've encountered lately: Big images take up most of the screen, and they are links. Sometimes when a page loads, for whatever reason it's not in focus, so I have to click on the page to be able to scroll with my mouse wheel. So because of these gargantuan links, I have to move the mouse all over, looking for one small piece of real estate that won't take me to an ad or some page I care nothing about. See what I mean here.

Carry me home in a casket

2004-08-03T14:11:00.000-05:00

The new uniforms are very different from the old ones. They fit alright except for the shoulder area is tight. The worst part about them is that they don't breathe. This became too obvious yesterday as I had my toughest day to date. The day was busy, and nothing I couldn't handle, but because the shirt doesn't ventilate very well, I was hot most all of the day. I was hitting it hard at about 10 p.m., and barely made it through the remainder of the night. Hence the title of this post, "Carry me home in a casket."

I am very pleased that today is my Friday. However, with all the stuff here at home that needs to be caught up on, I doubt that this will be a very relaxing two days off. But as long as the check comes, I can't complain too much I guess. However I am thinking that our superiors are demanding a lot of us. None in my department like the new clothes. The look is tolerable, but the functionality is minimal. I'm glad I look decent in blue. At least it isn't a chicken or hot dog promotional-type suit. Thankfully we don't do that kind of thing.

New Day, New Uniform

2004-08-02T03:30:00.000-05:00

Now I am not the most tech-savvy person around, but I am always glad that I can find my way around concerning computers and technology in general. At work I listened to some talk about technology, and I often have to bite my tongue, because a part of me wants to correct the person(s) in their erranious talk. Maybe I should have: I am gentle and understanding. Perhaps they could see the light from me instead of the annoying know-it-alls who would not hesitate to guffaw at first chance.

Maybe you should disregard that paragraph up there. I know how to operate computers, but as for the inner workings, there is plenty that eludes me.

I'm a little down tonight. Maybe it's just from the overload today. To my credit, today went well. I made a bit less than $2 in tips, but for someone like me, and my position, that is something. I worked alone and thus it was my time to shine. I was even told that one of the high-ups would be hearing of my exceptional work. Still, I am down. I guess it is because it's finally sinking in that my old routines aren't mine anymore. I no longer have the freedoms I enjoyed a month ago. Plus I don't like the drive to work. I've been wondering if it is going to be worth it, with gas and all. At current rates, gas would be about $60-70 for two weeks. Man, when you think about it, that is a big chunk of change.

The people I have the privilige of working with are the ones who make an otherwise monotonous job bearable. This fondness that I have for them exceeds departments. God bless them every one.

Today will be the first day of wearing our new uniforms. This should be interesting.

Unusual Day

2004-07-31T01:50:00.000-05:00

Being unusual is not a complaint. It's just an obeervation. Work could have been cut very short today, the electricity in the whole area was down. This happened twice, and had it happened a third time, I would have been making this entry a lot earlier. I guess the upper management would have allowed it, since they are the only ones who can make that decision.

When I came into work, I sat waiting for the shift to start and I received some interesting news. I had won a monthly drawing for a free $25 gift card. I wondered about it, since I thought maybe you had to enter the drawing, but I guess being an employee you are automatically entered. So I got home a few minutes later due to the wait. What to buy with it...hmm.....

I'd never really won anything before and having won it on the first opportunity was even better.

I went to work, not really having time to enjoy myself. I was hoping for a slow day. It didn't end like that, but at least I got a break. When the power went off, I just got to stand around and/or do whatever for about 45 minutes. A lot of people left because of the wait. That was nice while it lasted.

In my last entry I mentioned another who I've been having a hard time with. I've had a change of heart. The person is no different, really, but I just can't stay mad. That's not me. In some weird way, I feel sorrow for them. I simply cannot repay evil for evil. I consider it wrong that they are unfriendly, but I am not going to sink to that level for satisfaction.

Long entry. I'm off to bed now. - _ -

2004-07-30T01:12:00.000-05:00

My experience at my new job is bittersweet. Of course the money is the sweetest part, most of my coworkers are sweet, so to speak. They are great in my department at least. As for the bitter, it seems that the place is made up of cliques, each department mingling with those similarly dressed. Thats alright with me. I didn't join to talk or socialize.

A certain person of another department has been less than flattering. I make every attempt to be friendly, but whether this person is just full of themself or whatever, the favor is not returned. I have my feelings for this person, but I am attempting to put that aside and just live with it, hard as it can be.

Unwinding

2004-07-18T02:07:00.000-05:00

I am adjusting to my new job as well as can be expected, there isn't a lot to it, but there are some parts that are just hard on my back. I move a lof of heavy stuff around and it can get to me, but I guess in general it's all ok. After all, I'm in it for the $$$ anyhow. ^_^

I received word that my time will change after Thursday. It will all be fine and good, I will be able in the sunshine other than the early morning, but I'm already meeting and getting attached to new friends who have been very supportive. They are so new, in fact, that I don't remember their names. @_@

Thursay was my first day. It's all ok, but the bad parts are: (1) To save on money and gas until I get paid, I am riding with my father, who starts at 2:30 and my shift begins at 4; (2) I would be driving there on my own now, but I am not the best (read: I am a terrible) driver and I have to merge both ways, which I've never had to do before now, and am terrible at.

Insert original-sounding title here.

2004-07-14T21:52:00.000-05:00

I am officially employed in my new job, though I have not officially begun it. This week was a week of tests, and it is going to end with me working, and will be working into mid-next-week. It is going to be tiring I expect, but as it has been said, it is better to be worn from work rather than worn from doing nothing. Not to say I wasn't busy before, but now it will be more consistent.

Even if it turns out I don't like it (doubtful because of the atmosphere), I can't afford to quit with my new transportation *wink

Waiting...

2004-07-06T02:23:00.000-05:00

I'm waiting to hear some news. In the meantime, I didn't really celebrate the 4th, which was Sunday of course. It's not that I could not, I really didn't want to. No, I am not depressed or anything like that, it's just that as I've grown older, my outlook for such days has changed.

If you are reading this, hello, how are you doing? I really don't have a lot to say, so I will just ramble. I've been playing Shenmue 2 again. Though I know the story now, it has a lot of extras which give it a great replay value.

Lousy seed-ticks...I hate to see animals suffer, and even most bugs, but I think I'd take pleasure in watching them suffer, along with flies, mosquitoes, and those gnats that fly around your face.

Oh yeah...

2004-07-03T03:51:00.000-05:00

Sportsman Acres Fellowship is under a new color scheme that is a bit easier on the eyes. I didn't get complaints, but now you shouldn't have a reason. I'll do the fine tuning next opportunity I get.

Check it out if you are interested.

2004-06-30T01:33:00.000-05:00

Sometimes things just get too complicated, it can nauseate one thinking about it. Such is the case with me. As noted in previous entries, a lot has happened lately, so I am sometimes feeling a bit mentally overwhelmed. Not desperate by any means, but I've had better days.

I am in the middle of a situation that quickly got complicated. As per my personality, I've been fretting all day, thinking of a way to solve this problem.

First thing is first, I need to devote myself to prayer. If you read this, feel free to pray for me. :-)

2004-06-29T00:20:00.000-05:00

WWE sure likes to alienate it's established fanbase. I remember during the 'Attitude' era the leigons of 'old' old-schoolers who decided to give the then-WWF the ol' 'heave-ho'.

Well, I must admit that WWE is greatly trying my patience. Since the demise of WCW, WWE has rested on it's laurels and told the wrestling audience, 'You're gonna sit back, take what we give, and like it, because we're the only game in town.'

I thought I'd never say this, but I am beginning to think I can live without pro-wrestling if it's going to be WWE's version of it from now on. Around the time of WCW's purchase in 2001, I was one of Vince McMahon's diehard followers. Through various means, ridiculous and excessive storylines, stuff I could find somewhere else (like skimpy ladies), wasting talent, and dropping the ball with the mother-lode of angles in the WCW & ECW, WWE has lost my respect.

WWE, you may as well get the 2nd 'W' out, because you are certainly not about wrestling anymore. You make me sick.

He Comes Through

2004-06-23T21:02:00.000-05:00

I mentioned in a previous post that the Lord would see to my situation. If I were not a Christian, I would have to say that I seriously 'lucked out' about some things. But I don't believe in luck, I believe in the power of prayer, to none but the Holy Father (God, not the pope) through Jesus Christ.

1. A situation is coming together for me. I may get into it later, then again I may not. Suffice it to say that this was looking quite impossible. God worked out all the details behind the scenes and for that I am grateful and happy.

2. God is my healer. I have trusted Him as such, and He has not disappointed. Situations that are impossible for me are possible for Him, and he has come through with flying colors.

O Lord, surround me with Your favor. Cause those mountains before me to crumble, that I may further Your kindgom with the help of Your Holy Spirit.

Amen.

No Impact Friday

2004-06-19T04:30:00.000-05:00

I didn't get to receive my weekly fix of real wrestling action today, yesterday, whatever. The satellite was acting up. I need to chop a tree down I think. The limbs are getting too long, but the bad part about the whole deal is that I would need something like a cherry picker to do it. The offending tree is one of the largest in the yard.

Went to revival tonight. I enjoyed meeting the visitors and all. I went in spite of the fact that I felt more like climbing into a comfy, comfy bed and snoozing the night away.

Seems a bit ironic then that I am still awake. But that's how it goes. I really need to be praying about something right now, so I will get off this thing.

2004-06-17T13:31:00.000-05:00

Since I am limited on time, and I feel the obligation to keep this blog up to date, since I've already done a fair amount of writing last night, I would post it. It's the first of my 'rants', I'm not the kind of person who regularly does them, but there it is below.

From JBackwater.tk

I, along with many webmasters out there, was recently rebuked by a certain other webmaster for making a faux paux in my website design. The writer was very condescending and arrogant with his views. He praised his own website for being simple and having a color scheme that is ‘easy on the eyes’. According to him, my white background makes you think you are staring into a light bulb.

Well I admit that the white on black is easier on the eyes, it also has a different personality. Depending on the site, it can have a dark, lonely isolated feel to it, even if that is not the creator’s intention. The argument against white background sites is that the creator is attempting to reproduce the effect of paper. What‘s the basis of that argument? I use the layout that I use because I think it looks good, not because I am trying to fool a person into thinking there is a piece of paper that suddenly materialized on their monitor. If you want to bawl people out about this, look for those sites that use the notebook paper backgrounds with the handwriting fonts, and leave me alone.

I believe my site is easy on the eyes. There are no colors that scream at you, they all blend together nicely. The fonts are small, but not too small that you can’t read them. I agreed with the writer on the point that the super-small fonts that are so popular nowadays are hard to read. Also, for the benefit of those who are on dial-up, I kept the images and other slow-loading bells and whistles to a minimum. I am on dial-up myself, and I recently visited a site whose pages took about 2 minutes to load because of all the JavaScript in it. They are lucky I had the window open in the background, because I would not have given it the time of day any other way.

The final point I’d like to make is this: The writer kept singing the praises of Google, saying how it keeps it’s position of the greatest, most used search engine even with it’s simple layout. I agree. That is the reason I use Google. I don’t need all the news and stock info that you find on other search homepages. But...

Did you happen to take a gander at Google’s color scheme, Einstein?

No, perhaps not. You were too busy “staring into light bulbs.”

Another average day.

2004-06-15T03:12:00.000-05:00

Day went pretty normal I suppose. The only things I have to mention is that I am not online a lot right now, and my image host seems to be down right now. I can login, but can't see any images. Oh well, I'm too tired to worry about it.

Eyes on the Prize

2004-06-14T02:59:00.000-05:00

Well, things are slowly looking up. I held on to my faith, and I believe that the Lord is going to work things out like He usually does. This is not to say that I am in the clear, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I made this comment during my last preaching message:
'We are running a race for a prize. Your enemy seeks to break your legs, but the promise of God stands in his way. You also have your own self to deal with, the fatigue, the utter exhaustion, but you keep going because your eyes are on that prize. Yes, the goal causes you to overlook the pain and discomfort you are in and urges you on. Your body says, 'let's quit' but there is something inside you that says, 'let's go all the way!'

The enemy certainly has tried to break my legs so to speak, but I do see the tide changine. All praise and glory be to God my Savior.

Fresh Air

2004-06-12T13:17:00.000-05:00

I went and made this big post last night, but for whatever reason, it didn't take, and when I used the back button, all my content was gone. No biggie, I will just condense it, because there was a LOT of information.

I watched INA wrestling for the first time Friday. It is like night and day compared to WWE. I've been a WWE loyalist most of my life but they are severely stretching my patience and I am glad to see a promotion (TNA) actually treating wrestling like a sport again, not a 'sports-entertainment' soap opera. Now it does have elements of SE, but not to the extent that WWE does. The TNA show, Impact, is a one hour show, and right of the top of my head, I can recall at least 5-6 matches. On a WWE one hour show, you would be lucky to get 3, due to the fact that they are recapping their retarted storylines and doing useless segments. And they wonder why their ratings are on life support. Their solution: Put in more nudity, and add some interesting twists to the storylines. Give me a break, I don't watch wrestling to see skimpy women or stupid storylines. I watch to see wrestling, but they can't get that through their stupid skulls.

I've got a lot to say about this, and I will continue later.

A Breath of Fresh Air

2004-06-12T03:29:00.000-05:00

WWE has long been trying my patience. Vince McMahon has stated that WWE isn't a wrestling company, but rather an entertainment company. He probably would have taken the acronym 'WE' had it not been taken by a women's channel. I've lost a ton of respect for the company. The only reason I haven't abandoned it completely is because they can still squeeze out a good match or two, in a mass of 'entertainment'. Personally for me, though, the wrestling was the most entertaining. Skimpy ladies aren't going to give me my wrestling fix. Sorry but it's true.

I watched NWA-TNA wrestling for the first time Friday, now that they thankfully are on a channel that I get. It's amazing wrestling, but I can't afford to cough up 10 bucks a week for it. The program and the federation scored major points with me in 1 hour, and here is how:

1. NWA Actually has Wrestling!
I'd forgotten what a good wrestling match looked like! Sure, it's more 'futuristic' than traditional mat wrestling, but the fed treats the wrestling like a sport. And that's a big thumbs up for me.

2. It's Not Oozing Male Soap Opera
Sure, it has elements of 'sports-entertainment', such as obviously scripted promos and dialogue, but at least 75+% of the show isn't being devoted to some storyline you have to be an absolute retard to believe. I've really missed just simple promos. Stupid WWE and their vignettes.

3. The Small Crowd.
Maybe I'm alone in this, but I do miss the days of the smaller audiences. I remember at Raw's 10th anniversary they showed the (1st?) Raw with Razor Ramon and 1-2-3 Kid. The audience wasn't very big, they weren't filling up major arenas with vast multitudes (but then again, right now they aren't either) and I liked that. The audience at Impact brought back those warm nostalgic feelings.

You have to understand something. I was a steadfast defender of WWE just 2 years ago. Over time, they have managed to whittle most all of the loyalty away from me.

Now I know how the older generation felt during the introduction to the 'Attitude' era.
WWE should really consider their stance as an 'entertainment company. Because if it continues on this same path, I will have no regret in ditching it. I think this is the attitude of many.

At Last...

2004-06-11T20:41:00.000-05:00

More like at least a couple of weeks. After ending my site with Angelfire, I received a generous offer from a good friend, my best friend in fact. I am now in a new location, with a new, better design. Sure, it's not the best, and there are many better one out there, but I feel proud of it.

Perhaps it is because of the location alone, where I am among a close friend, and perhaps a bit of it is because I am under my original webhost, where it all started, I feel like I am back home.

Check my new site out at JBackwater.tk

Catch Up

2004-06-11T01:50:00.000-05:00

I've not blogged for a couple of days due to time and being busy and all. My allergies are slowly trying to catch up with me, I had to wear my glasses last night, which I haven't wore in some time. I only need them when things are really blurry, and that is a good thing, since they don't look good on me anymore. I got them in 1998, and just my appearance has changed to the extent that they look clunky on me.

Maybe it's style, or how my tastes and style have becomed a bit more refined, but I would not wear them in public anymore unless I had to.

On a more solemn note, I was glued to the TV yesterday watching the procession of Reagan to the Capitol building. The trek up the stairs was actually the most difficult part to watch. As the Battle Hymn of the Republic played, tears welled in my eyes and I choked up. There is always a point when someone dies, at least for me, when it finally sinks in. The surreal shock beforehand suddenly vanishes, and we get our rude awakening. For some, it's seeing the coffin, or watching the departed being lowered into the ground. For me it was the music. The hymn will never be the same for me again.

Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord

Revelation 14:13

Even In Jesus’ Day

2004-06-09T02:41:00.000-05:00

Of course it is to be expected that there were hypocrites in the days of Christ, seeing as this is where Christians get the term, ‘Pharisee‘. But you would think that after the passage of so much time, we would begin to grasp the message, the meat of what Christ was saying, yet many people still miss the point entirely.

Matthew 23 is a very interesting chapter that many just can’t seem to grasp. The fact is, if you aren’t ever offended by it, I’d think you were in denial or just plain dense. At times, every person has shown a bit of the old hypocrite in themselves, but only a few realize it and seek to eliminate it from their lives.

The danger of the Christian life is that there are some things that can be taken as such that over time it loses its meaning and becomes nothing but a ritual, something done only through habit. We must be careful that our worship does not proceed down this path. People take comfort in rituals; this is nothing new. We get up every day at the same time, do the same things to some degree, and when that rhythm is upset, we are thrown for a loop.

Pharisees took comfort in their ritual. In fact, this comfort went unto the point that their salvation depended upon it rather than the condition of their heart. They were careful to obey the smallest letter of the law, yet missing the message that it was trying to convey.

I suggest that you read Matthew chapter 23 in light of this. You may find it very interesting. I know I did, particularly this verse:

“Ye blind guides, which strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel.”

Matthew 23:24

2004-06-08T03:41:00.000-05:00

When I come here just about every day it often looks like I wait for days before making another entry. The fact is that I just write at very early and late hours so it can look like 2-3 days went by when they really didn’t. I’m just making an observation...

Well, things are ok right now, I am up late with stomach problems though. Other than that, I am well and feeling quite good actually. I guess in reality this time could better be described as bittersweet. I’ve been quite solemn since hearing of the death of Ronald Reagan. It didn’t hit me as hard as I thought it would, but I figure it will become harder as it sinks in. He was a great man, one that I have the highest of respect for.

Sometimes we just have urges. Mine as of late have just been to pray. Sometimes I don’t know how to pray. Perhaps it was times like this that Jesus Christ gave us the Lord’s prayer.

Our Father, which art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
And forgive us our debts,
As we forgive our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation
But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom, and the power,
and the glory forever. Amen.

Mr. Reagan said in 1988:
“...When I saddle up and ride into the sunset it will be with the knowledge that we’ve done great things. We kept faith with a promise as old as this land we love and as big as the sky. A brilliant vision of American as a shining city on a hill. Thanks to all of you, and with God’s help, America’s greatest chapter is still to be written, for the best is yet to come.”

God Bless You, Mr. President.

2004-06-06T01:20:00.000-05:00

I suppose everyone knows the news about President Ronald Reagan's passing.

President Reagan was truly one of a kind. Though I was too young to appreciate it all, he is in my mind the greatest President of modern history.

May God bless you, Mr. Reagan. Amen.

Oops...missed a few days...

2004-06-06T00:42:00.000-05:00

No biggie, same old I guess. I ministered Wednesday, went ok.

Not too much going on. I happened upon a forum where they were debating the use of instruments in wotship. 'What's the big deal?' I thought. The deal is that since the use of instruments isn't mentioned in the NT, it's not applicable anymore. Psh. Those people love to pick and choose that, don't they? Divine spiritual gifts are for the today, and are in the NT, but for whatever reason, they "aren't for today."

Whatever.

Well, here's my take on it, but it's from the OT:

1 Praise ye the LORD. Praise God in his sanctuary: praise him in the firmament of his power.
2 Praise him for his mighty acts: praise him according to his excellent greatness.
3 Praise him with the sound of the trumpet: praise him with the psaltery and harp.
4 Praise him with the timbrel and dance: praise him with stringed instruments and organs.
5 Praise him upon the loud cymbals: praise him upon the high sounding cymbals.
6 Let every thing that hath breath praise the LORD. Praise ye the LORD.

Psalm 150

Well, They've Done It Again

2004-06-03T13:08:00.000-05:00

Just when I thought Angelfire inflicted as much torture on me as they could, first cutting off images without notice, a stupid stack overflow error that took over 3 months for them to fix, then problems with their ads. Now they have the nerve to add a blasted search bar to the left! When is this going to stop!?

I suppose Angelfire thinks that people are just going to sit idly by and watch more and more ads imposed upon them. They should understand that people will only get pushed so far, and yes, I consider this being pushed. I understand that it's their space, and that they have the right to impose all this junk all over the page, but IF I WANT TO DO A STUPID SEARCH ON THE PAGE I AM VISITING, I ALREADY HAVE ONE OF THE THOUSANDS OF SEARCH BARS ALREADY IMBEDDED IN MY BROWSER! I DON'T NEED YET ANOTHER SEARCH FEATURE!

To my knowledge, many already abandoned their Angelfire sites when they left us all in the lurch concerning the image deal. I hope many others protest this crap in their own way.

2004-06-02T02:54:00.000-05:00

The wonders of God’s grace are truly without boundary. I sit here late at night listening to the song “Just As I Am”, a song that we traditionally think of as an invitational song for the sinner. But I have enough to assume that from the newborn in Christ to the old-horses, there is an invitation to come deeper, to be nourished directly from the Presence of God.

I at this moment, even with the present and immediate cares and genuine concerns that I have in life, do feel drawn closer to the Lord. It is something that I need, even more than a junkie needs his fix. To me, the life that the Holy Spirit brings to me is more valuable that breath itself.

As the song says, “And that thou biddest me come to thee, O Lamb of God, I come, I come!”

"Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.”

Isaiah 55:1-2

O Lord, strengthen me and guide me. For without You I can do nothing.

Pray for me, Lord.

2004-05-31T23:11:00.000-05:00

There are times when something comes my way where I literally say to myself, ‘Oh boy, I sure didn’t need to hear that.’ Well, it’s been that way recently. But it has been the norm when we experience such breakthroughs, things will begin to come our way. It’s test time, plain and simple. I’ve had the opportunity to learn from God’s Word, and now the time has come to apply it.

Well this is the case at this present time. I must continue to endure a situation which I am beginning to feel is a dead horse, but I know otherwise. It takes a lot of my patience; I’ve been dealing with it for years, hoping that the here and now is the time for breakthrough, but all signs point otherwise. Still, I am continuing in faith, that I will not become disenheartened in this situation.

Today’s verses: “ 31 And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat: 32 But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren."

2004-05-30T00:28:00.000-05:00

Well, I will keep it short and sweet tonight. I had neck pain so I took something for it, which has an added sleep ingredient so I will be off to bed soon. Today was ok, a little slow, but ok. There is a tornado warning west of here but I'm not going to sweat it. If it kills me, I'm ready to meet my maker. :-)

Today's Verse:
"Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Matthew 5:10

Sadly, I've noticed that some 'christians' run their mouth as they wish and then run back to God so when the retort comes, it's not justice, it's 'persecution'. Thank the Lord that there are real, genuine loving Christians out there.

Today's Thought: "You could wake up dead!"
How on earth does one wake up dead!?

2004-05-28T23:42:00.000-05:00

Well I said I was going to fall back on Blinx when Shenmue II got a little tiring, but Shenmue is turning out to be a very demanding game. I want to always see what is around the next corner so I can't stop playing. When I play I mean. The last couple of days have been good church days so I've been easing along...*wink wink. ;-) I feel so great, like I haven't felt in a long time. I am on a new level of glory I believe, the joy of salvation has been restored in my life.

On another note I am a bit disappointed. The G4TV/TechTV merger became official today. They do have some interesting shows I will have to look into, but I will miss Call For Help.

I'm probably annoying somebody out there with the italicizing of these words, huh?